I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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