i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
