How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
