my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
