im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
