You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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