I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
