ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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