Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
