I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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