sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
