She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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