Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
