was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
