the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
