K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
