Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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