Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I could make wine with my vomit
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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