dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
