Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
