She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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