Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
