Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
