I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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