i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
