Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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