I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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