HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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