I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
