I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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