just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
