im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
