I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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