I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
