No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
