...so i touched it.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
