don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
