please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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