My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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