oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
