yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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