I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
