actually, I'm a sock model
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
