i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
