For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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