I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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