What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
