he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
