Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
