I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
