guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
