He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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