I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
