i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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