cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
