Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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