I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
