I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize