He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
