I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did I show you my penis last night?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
don't judge my taste in strippers
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
