Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
this hospital has no fireball
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
