i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
