oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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