I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
