so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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