By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
