sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
