i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
