she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
