Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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