I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
