Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there was a trapeze. enough said
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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