Pants 0. Shit 1.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
