but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
