Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
