I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
