Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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