I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
