So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
