I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
