your room smells of hookers.
And success
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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